Friday, September 11, 2009

Laugh, Love, Live...

Have you see those items in the card store depicting the words, Laugh, Love, Live. Well God, I hope you live. Is that supposed to be some kind of joke? Live? As opposed to die? Is that supposed to be inspirational or something? I don't get it. I got a magnet from someone once that said live and it broke, so now what? Is the person giving you the magnet in the mafia and they have decided to let you live? Is it like your get out of dead card, and you have to show it to anyone trying to kill you. Look, I have a magnet that says live, so you can't kill me. Oh shit, she got the live magnet. We'll have to find someone else. Who thinks of these things anyway? Laugh, Love, Live.. seems a little extreme, don't you think? People are strange.

Friday, June 19, 2009


FOR FUTURE AND NEW DOG OWNERS: Some general things to know about dogs and dog ownership.

1. Dogs don't understand English. If you ask a dog to do something you have never asked him to do before he will undoubtedly look at you with his head cocked to one side wondering what on earth are you saying. You have to show the dog what you want him to do, not tell him. Puppies don't know what "no" means, so when you say it, you are the one who isn't getting it, not the dog. You have to specifically point out to the puppy/dog what you are asking it to do.

2. Dogs are dogs, not human beings. They should eat dog food not burritos or cat food or fish food. DOG FOOD. They don't have to sleep on your bed and sit on the couch if you don't want them to. They are fine on the floor. They are dogs. They drink water, not beer or any other alcoholic beverage for that matter. They don't eat candy and clothing is optional.

3. Dogs are not objects and should not be sold as such. You buy shoes at the mall, not dogs. Any establishment selling puppies in tiny little cages is probably getting them from a puppy mill. You want to avoid getting puppies that are the product of a puppy mills because you are promoting the mass production of dogs and inhumane treatment of their parents. In addition, your overly expensive supposedly pure bred pup that you are financing for $50 per month could have health problems due to the manner and conditions in which it was bred. Instead, try to buy from a reputable breeder, which will ironically cost you about the same as the pet store. Better yet, you can rescue a dog from your local shelter or rescue group. is a good place to start if you are looking to adopt, and yes they have puppies too.

4. Know what you are getting into before you get a dog. They need lots of attention, walks, playtime, vet care, training, grooming, etc. You know, those claws don't cut themselves. And yes, small dogs need the same things as big dogs.

5. Lastly, if you intend on leaving the dog locked in the house for hours and hours on end every day, while your are out working or knoodling with your pals, then maybe you should think twice about your pet choice. You will need to spend time with your dog. Weird, I know. If you can't commit, then try a cat instead.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Daydreams.. Where did you go today?

I have this philosophy that we are not all that we portray to the exterior world. Our true passions lay hidden in our thoughts. Tucked away neatly in our minds only to be taken out when our we are left idle.

I find my thoughts wondering several times throughout an ordinary day. During work, since I’ve been working there for 11 years now and I just set myself on auto-pilot when I am at my desk. Driving in the car to work with the kids strapped in their respective car seats trying to kill each other using just their hands and various objects they find to hit one another with. Hell, I even do it during certain less interesting conversations that I pretend to be involved in. I know you have done that too, perhaps to me when I rambled on and on about my daughter's vomit.

For me daydreaming takes me anywhere where I am not, but instead where I’d rather be. For instance, I imagine I am racing across the beach like Alec on the Black. The wind blowing through my hair, just me and that beautiful black horse. I also like to do remarkable things in my daydreams, like save the day. There is the one where I am fighting in a war. Sometimes it’s a war with aliens sometimes people, but regardless, I have found the enemy’s hideout and I am all-alone. Single handedly, I am able to conquer the enemy and save the entire human race from being destroyed. Pretty impressive, I know.

You see in real life, I am very ordinary. I take care of my children, go to work, cook dinner and do all the rest of the things most people do on a day-to-day basis. But in my daydreams, I’m a nothing short of amazing. I am a professional hip hop dancer and can do that booty shaking thing like Beyonce even though my posterior is way inferior. I can climb Mt. Everest even though I have asthma.

Sometimes I just think about what it would be like to swim with killer whales at Seaworld, or I wonder what would happen if I just decided to take the parkway south instead of north and head to the beach instead of work. Would my life’s destiny come into focus and be revealed to me with the crashing of the waves or would I just wonder what the hell was I thinking skipping work like that.

Tom Petty wonders what it would like to be king. Just for a day. In his song, "It's Good to be King," he says “Excuse me if I have this place in my mind where I go time to time.” So, I am sure myself and Tom Petty are not the only adults who daydream about being someone or someplace else.

I believe that although we tend to resemble a pack of sheep simply migrating from our home, out to pasture (a.k.a. work) and back again, there is a hidden passion in everyone. Something we all keep secret. Maybe you never told anyone about it.

In our daydreams everything is great and so are we.

So, where is did your daydreams take you today? Can you share yours with me?